Closet Case #3498

I am only now thinking about making my blog public.  I started this nearly four years ago as a way for me to process life-long homosexual thoughts and feelings which had never taken form.  I was just starting therapy, and for the first time disclosing to another person that - using THE word - I was gay.  Seeing my feelings written on the page let them exist externally from my noggin, and this was somewhat cathartic.  I have felt until recently that there was not enough content here to be useful to anyone else but myself, so I did not go public with it.

Yesterday, that all changed.  I ran across the blog of Closet Case #3498.  "Blurred", as he is known, is a mid-twenties guy recently finishing business school who generously shared the details of living as a closeted bi-man in NYC.  His candor was as soothing as climbing into a hot tub after a long day of skiing.  He made me feel much less alone and isolated than I normally do, and at times really turned me on.  Living in the closet is hard, and he made some bold yet truthful statements without feeling the need to qualify them or apologize for the way he chooses to live.  Unfortunately, it seems the trolls wore him down and he shuttered his blog earlier this year, but not without first writing an elegant and eloquent farewell.  In short, he is a real human being, and a class-act at that.  I am sorry to lose the stream of truth he provided on a regular basis, but happy for the gifts he gave.  More than anything, I hope he finds happiness, self-acceptance, and someone who loves him and allows him to  furnish the deep soul he has been given.

I then thought to myself how useless my own experiences and struggles will be unless I share them with others.  I am concerned about anonymity, but I think it is a risk that can be tightly managed.  I've taken a lot of comfort from the writings of others, and I think it's time I contribute as well.

So here we go.  It's a bit scary to do this, but the most valuable and important experiences in life often require a leap of faith and a modicum of courage at the beginning.