Fear of Erections in the Showers

I had an intense fear of being naked around anyone until I was in college.  I guess this is an experience common to many guys, and I've heard some different reasons being given for it.  In my case, I wasn't ever concerned about the size or my penis as much as I was with the probability of getting an erection while around other naked guys.  It's a fear that followed me in every area of my life - school, home, outside activities.  You name it. 

I have no brothers, and the only other male in my house growing up was my Dad.  I saw him naked all the time when he was changing and showering, like anyone does their parent of the same sex.  I would not ever feel comfortable changing or bathing when he or anyone else was around, though, and my demands for total privacy would often make us slightly late for events and appointments.  He was mildly frustrated by this but never forced the issue.  He would always say "What's the big deal?  Everyone's got the same plumbing!".

Growing up, I was never part of any show-and-tell scenarios and somehow avoided almost all instances where I would have to change or put on a bathing suit in front of a friend (though it probably didn't help that one of them made a grab for my dick one time).  Never shared a bath with a friend.  Never peed where someone could get a look.  No mutual sex play.  Nada.

I remember the times I couldn't avoid being naked, like at summer camp in the showers, as being an exercise in zen-like mastery of my thoughts - or at least a desperate attempt to do so.  First order of business when in any summer camp situation was to get the lay of the land with the bathhouse.  Every one of them - every single one - had open showers.  No stalls or dividers - the concept was apparently foreign to our part of the country.  I would see no way to avoid the situation with naked group showers at camp without catastrophic humiliation, so I would grit my teeth and go in the shower room with everyone else.  No one in there noticed that I wasn't able to talk much or hold a conversation, as I was completely mentally preoccupied.  Avoiding erections was a matter or fully distracting myself from the situation with little concentration exercises.  Buckminster Fuller would be amazed to know these consisted of envisioning various geodesic shapes and rotating them in my mind's eye.  It was a pretty random thing to come up with, but it got me through.  As much as I was intensely curious to see everyone else's penis while in the shower, I rarely looked as I was sure it would push me over the edge and I would pop a boner.  It was especially hard one year at camp as I had my first male crush on our cabin's counselor, a college freshman named Dan.  Seeing him nude was just about more than I could handle.

Luckily, my friends from the neighborhood were as modest as I was so it wasn't a major issue.  We all hated the whole shower thing, and would make jokes about it.  I had friends who were into all kinds of varsity sports at school, and I never understood how they could submit to so much naked time in the locker room.  I would not have been able to control my body's response to a situation like that.

By the time I left for college, the situation had eased somewhat.  At that time in my physicial development, I had reached a respectable height of 6' 1" had a decent-enough looking body.  My penis topped out at a very average 6.5" when erect, and was less prone to spontaneous tumescence.  Having little body insecurity made dealing with the semi-open showers of my dorm a non-issue after a while.  I did enjoy the frequent times I would be in there with a friend from the hall and would be able to get a good look at his package, but unlike the past, I would actually be able to hold a conversation and not rotate geodesic shapes in my head.  I had also by this time lost my virginity, and had let a couple of girls explore my proud member with their mouths in well-lit situations.  I knew I had nothing to be ashamed of.

After college, I discovered the beauty of natural hot springs.  At that time, I was in the best shape of my life and found that I loved being naked and uninhibited among the other people.  It was a completely new experience for me, to be naked in a non-sexual way.  As a result of this, I love going to hot springs to this day and being in a natural state with others of like-mind.  

Oddly, my fear of public erections has come full circle.  There have been many times when I have been to hot springs with my best friend, and have actually wanted to have a spontaneous erection in front of him.  It would be a way of my body signalling my feelings for him - without my permission to do so.  It would relieve me of the desire to work up the courage tell him how I feel.  As I've gotten older, my body definitely doesn't look as good as it did when I was young, but I have no problem being naked in front of other men.  It is one of my favorite things to do.